Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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