I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
