Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
