did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
