i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
