Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize