FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to wash the frat house off of me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
