his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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