I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
