rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
