So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
