Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
did i just pee glitter
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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