Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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