There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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