i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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