Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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