I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
