the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
