mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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