homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
