I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
