So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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