I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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