whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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