i love accidental penises.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
