i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
