And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
