Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
