she was so not down for the gang bang
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My breasts were aching with rage.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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