I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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