I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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