My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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