I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize