Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
