I cannot find my penis.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your penis caused this!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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