I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
