he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize