Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
