Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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