You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
