On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
