The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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