If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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