We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize