my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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