remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
