I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
