I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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