they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
