my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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