you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
