Having a random hookup so left but love u
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
