According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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