i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
