??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
