I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
