Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
