i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
