Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize