if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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