Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
