I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
