a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
