Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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