I accidentally burped into my bong.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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