Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Boobs speak an international language.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
