The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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