U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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